Make Adultery Illegal in all 50 States!

Monday, January 30, 2012

Day 102: Temptation

Affairs are more common than anyone knows but they are so "taboo" that no one talks about them. Perhaps if we opened up more and talked more about them, then they wouldn't be such a temptation.

Lately, everywhere I go, I wonder who around me is having an affair or is trying to recover from one. That stay at home mom in your playgroup.......could be her. Your co-worker in the cube next to you....could be him. The bus driver, the cop, the deli worker, the lawyer, the judge, your general practitioner.....could be any one of them. Temptation doesn't discriminate. Hollywood stars and politicians prove this to us.

Here is how the Bible defines temptation: Temptation is a state experienced when a person thinks thoughts, considers intentions or desires things which are contrary to the thoughts, intents and desires of Almighty God. When those thoughts are fulfilled through action, those intentions translated into achievements and
those desires satisfied by accomplishment, then sin is committed. Sin unrepented of by the
sinner and not forgiven by the Father leads to death. Temptation is a link in the chain of
circumstances that leads to death (Jas. 1:14,15).

So, then I sit here and I think "What is the purpose of temptation?" and "Why must we be so tortured by temptation?"

What I didn't realize when I had an affair is that the consequences of the affair (the sin) go way beyond just me. Like Eve, I was naive enough to think that what I was doing "wasn't so bad". Just a taste of the apple won't hurt anything. Ha! Yea, right. Look at the destruction caused by "just a taste" of temptations. That "just a taste" becomes a wicked after-taste that stays with you forever and, not just in your mouth, but in your head and your heart.

A sin so wicked as infidelity will never leave you once you've committed it. There is a reason we are taught not to break the 10 Commandments. It is for our BENEFIT to live by the 10 Commandments. The pain that follows breaking one of them is not worth the "just a taste" one takes.

So, how do we resist temptation? GET RID OF IT! Forget your affair partner even exists, drain the alcohol down the sink, crush your computer (Have you seen "Fire Proof"?), pretend the drug dealer has whatever you need to do to survive.

God knows it isn't easy.

Mark 9:43

And if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than with two hands to go to hell,[a] to the unquenchable fire.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Day 98: Grace: The buzzword

As I've been trying to find my way back to God, I have been reading A LOT of self help books and memoirs. All of them have had a religious foundation to them. As I do this reading, I've discovered one word being used over and over again. "Grace"! This is almost a religious buzzword lately.

So, then I think: What EXACTLY is Grace?

Grace is defined in several ways:

Beauty----as in she swam with grace

A favor or pardon from a in Her boss showed her grace for being late

So, then I suppose "By the grace of God" means that God is beautiful and will forgive us for our sins as in God will show you grace for telling a lie. Or that God will protect us---as in By the grace of God, he escaped the accident.

My grandmother's name was Grace and she was a saint. Ironically, my affair partner's niece is named Grace and I WAS her godmother.

Is it our sole purpose to earn grace from God so that we will be allowed into the kingdom of heaven?

Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Day 96: The Rollercoaster

I realize I haven't written in almost two weeks. This past two weeks continues to be a rollercoaster ride. My remorse sometimes overwhelms me. I wake up and I can't believe what I have done. I can't believe how I have hurt my spouse and betrayed God (and myself). I ruined our "normal". However, neither one of us was happy with the old normal. How do we go about taking on a new normal?
I feel like this pain, guilt, and remorse will be with me forever. I suppose I deserve that after being so horribly hurting and selfish.
I was so naive. I had no idea what I was doing would cause such havoc. I feel like I was on drugs. I guess in a way I was. I wanted the "high" so badly. I look back and see myself sitting in my own shit in a crack house. AND the dealer continues to tempt me. I was comfortable in my own crap. Now that the fog has cleared......I see it for what it was and I'm mortified.
Affair recovery really is like a rollercoaster. Sometimes we are on an uphill and feeling calm and hopeful. Other times, more often than not, we are staring down at the hill waiting for the car to drop. (Like the picture below!).
It's so scary. Not knowing if the ride is over and I've got to get off. Not knowing if the ride will ever end. Sick to my stomach as if I'm going around in loops with no end in sight.
At the same time, I have to make sure my husband isn't sick to his stomach, isn't falling out of the car, isn't riding without a harness, isn't going downhill too much, isn't going round and round.
I often don't know how to do that while I am trying to endure the pain and sickness of my own ride. But it's like an airplane. I have to put my oxygen mask on first. I've got to make sure that I am not so sick that I can't help him. After all, I put him on this rollercoaster.
Did I really do that? Yes, I did. How do I live with that? How do I look my children in the eyes when they are older and suffering through relationships of their own?
My ride is not special by any  means. It is not unique. There are many others all over the world on the same horrible ride.
Please get us off this rollercoaster!! God give us strength to walk the straight and narrow when getting off the ride. God give us the strength to stay off the ride! Is the short gratification worth how horrible you feel when you get off the coaster? No, it's not. EVERYTIME you get on that ride, you will leave it feeling sick and wondering why you got on it in the first place!
Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Day 84: The Water Dam

I knew last night that something was on my husband's mind. He looked distracted. He looked sad. I knew he was thinking about my affair. I felt so helpless.

Nothing I say matters. My word can't be believed because I was such a liar. So, I have to show him through my actions that I won't have another affair. I have to show him through my actions that I'm remorseful.

But how do I ever take his sadness away? How do we recover from something that you can't take back? How do you live with yourself when you know you have committed a mortal sin? I had to push God away during my affair because he was a reminder that I was committing a mortal sin.

How do I have the right to correct my kids for using a curse word when I've done something so awful? Is it my fault that our youngest lies a lot or is it just the way she is? How do I convince her to stop?

Lies are like water hitting a dam. They build and build until they break the dam. I have broken my dam. I have broken the strength that was holding me up. I became greedy which, in the end, broke my dam.
Now I'm swimming aimlessly. Not sure where my water is going to go. Hoping my husband can put the protective barrier back up. What if he can't? What happens to us then?

Dams keep storms from wrecking havoc on the things around it. It keeps those "things" safe. Until the storm is so strong that it breaks the dam. Then those things get flooded and ruined. Rebuilding takes a long time.

I have to keep believing that, in time, the damage from my storm of lies will lessen. I know it will never cease. It's too late for that. Storms will go on for a lifetime but it's how we handle them. Can you stop your storm with a damn of protectivity or will your storm be so strong that it breaks and destroys and floods?

So, for now, I float along trying to earn back my dam of security. It takes time..........

John 8:43-47 says, "Why do ye not understand my speech? even because ye cannot hear my word. Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it. And because I tell you the truth, ye believe me not. Which of you convinceth me of sin? And if I say the truth, why do ye not believe me? He that is of God heareth God's words: ye therefore hear them not, because ye are not of God."

Monday, January 9, 2012

Day 76: So Typical

It doesn't matter what your nationality, color of your skin, or where you live. It doesn't matter if you're rich or blue collar or poor. It doesn't matter if you're highly educated or not. Heck, it doesn't even matter what your religion/beliefs are. When something hurts. There is no logic to it. This is what we call grief. Grief doesn't happen just when someone dies. Grief happens with any kind of loss. No matter how small or trivial this loss may seem to someone else......if it causes you grief then it's a huge loss for YOU.

We are all the same. We all suffer the same insecurities and fears. What differes is the extent to which we suffer.

As I read other people's stories of infidelity, all I think is "so typical". The waywards have all the same reasons for straying. The betrayed feel the same emotions when finding out.

We'll do anything to stop the hurt. If you're saying, "Not me" or "I would never" you're even more vulnerable to sin. The next time you're tempted...... STOP and think about the pain you'll be causing those closest to you. Don't be naive that your sins won't have a negative effect on others.

Ask God for strength. You don't believe? Well, then how do we explain emotional hurt? It's not something that can be scientifically proved. Sure, your brain chemicals change but what brings about that change? What causes such horrible pain? A FEELING!!

Do whatever you need to do to resist!

Romans 8:28

28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,[a] for those who are called according to his purpose.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Day 71: Who I was..........

My parents had all our old films put on DVD. My dad has this great old projector that could catch fire in a second (Have you seen Cinema Paradiso?). So, as a special Christmas gift, my parents had this DVD made. I've watched it twice so far.

What I noticed the first time was how I had no hesitation in hugging and kissing my parents.......especially my mom. Even when I was thirteen. I don't remember myself that way. I remember being embarrassed about it but I really wasn't. Perhaps I think I was always this way because I was so nasty to her on my prom video. I hate watching that video because of that. I had just turned 18 and expected her to do everything for me. Why do we talk so horribly to the ones we love the most?

The second time I watched the films, I noticed how happy I was as a child. Again, I don't recall being so happy. All I seem to remember is the pain of my depression when I was 19. The cloud of depression over my memories. I was in awe of myself. I was so excited about life. I would try anything. Nothing but the moment mattered. So, when do things change? When do we stop enjoying life and start worrying about everything? When do we start turning to drugs and alcohol and affairs to deaden our pain? Where does the pain come from in the first place? Why, when my life is so enriching and GOOD, that I seek out pain? Do I seek out pain or does it just find me?

I don't yet have any answers to these questions. One thing I do know is that I like who I WAS. I want to go back to that. I want to be the girl who was so excited about what life had to offer. I want to be the girl who enjoys the moment. I want to be the girl who knows the future holds only good things. This is going to take a lot of effort on my part but I owe it not only to my family, but also to myself.

That effort begins today. I must find the old me. I know she's still in there. I have to find ways to bring her out. She's good, sweet, happy, healthy, smart and she knows how to LOVE!

My  New Year's resolution is to find her again and show her to everyone else!

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

 4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Day 70: The Missing Teeth

This morning I was reading Sarah Markleys blog and adored how her youngest daughter is missing one of her top teeth. My 6 year old lost both of her top teeth during her school photo. I have to say this is one of my favorite photos. One of those moments when I wish I could freeze time. Time melts and then refreezes and the melts again.

Babies cry when their teeth are growing in. Those sweet baby teeth. A sign of innocence. Then the teeth become loose but don't hurt when they fall out or when the "big kid" teeth grow in. Why no growing pains with teeth while a child? The temporary teeth hurt more than the permanent teeth. This reminds of me of how instant gratification "appears" to be painless. However, in the end it's the permanent relationships that hurt us the least. The temporary relationships are temporary for a reason......they help us only for a short time when we need them. Then we "lose" them like we lose our baby teeth. As we mature, we develop more permanent and lasting relationships.

Quite often these relationships are tested just as our permanent teeth are tested.......we might get a cavity or something more painful like a root canal. Sometimes this is due to our own misdoings such as not brushing or flossing properly. Other times it isn't so much our fault (an accident which knocks a tooth out). What is most important is to remember to take care of the permanent in our lives. Take care of them all of the time or you'll lose them.

I find it ironic that as we age, we might lose our permanent teeth. We then go back to our roots (literally!).  We are left with mostly permanent teeth. As life goes on, expect to lose some relationships that you "think" are permanent. In our old age, we will see who really was a permanent relationship (which teeth were strongest to survive). All we can do is take care of the relationships we think are meant to be permanent. You don't always realize right away which relationships those are. It takes months to grow teeth but years to lose them. Keep this in mind when approaching new relationships in the New Year. Don't be left with only photos of beautiful teeth. Make the beautiful REAL!

Matthew 22:13

 Then the king said to the attendants, ‘Bind him hand and foot and cast him into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’