Make Adultery Illegal in all 50 States!

Friday, February 3, 2012

Day 106: Illusion vs. Reality

Reality TV is NOT reality. In truth, it is an illusion presented to us as reality. The "real" people act as they want you to see them. Editors cut and paste to make the scenarios something they're not. They don't show us the ugly truth.
What is reality? Is it something that must be seen? Felt? Heard?

"I saw you do it!"
"It isn't what it looked like."

"I heard you say that!"
"That's not what I said. You heard me wrong!"

"The cat bit me!"
"No, it was just a "love" bite".

Is not a schizophrenics hallucinations real to them? Of course they are.

"But there really aren't spiders on the ceiling."
"Well, he is SEEING spiders on the ceiling. It's very REAL to him."

So, now I ask myself. What was the REALITY of my affair?

One of the topics Christian Author Dave Carder discusses in Close Calls are the relatively consistent phases of sexual affairs and infidelities.
Carder’s first phase of an affair is Growing Mutual Attraction (for me lasted about 2 months):
This is the phase where I "dumped"  my troubles and insecurities on my AP and vice versa. We were both "lost" and lonely and clung to each other.
ILLUSION: That he could make it all better.
REALITY: Yes, I was feeling awful. The reality is that this led to making my life worse.
Entanglement (8 months): The phase of complimenting one another, justifying the affair, crossing the line, feeling high.
ILLUSION: I NEEDED this to feel good. My husband could never give me what I needed. My marriage had always been awful. I considered leaving my family.
REALITY: A selfish bubble of sin. I should have turned to my husband. My husband is my husband for a reason. He is good and true and everything I ever wanted. I was just too scared to talk to him about how I felt because I made  him into someone who wouldn't listen when, in reality, he would have been more than willing.
My AP was a train wreck. A raging lying alcoholic with a gambling problem.

Destabilization (2 Years): The guilt and shame stage. Knowing what I was doing was wrong. Trying to break it off.
ILLUSION: Tried to break it off numerous times. Telling him I'm not leaving my family.
REALITY: I was addicted to the high. I had no intention of every stopping unless I was caught. I was scared to death of feeling depressed.

Termination and Resolution (11 months and counting): Although it feels that trust and security has been built up between affair partners, maintaining the feelings of trust and safety become difficult. The artificial intimacy built by sexual relationships begins to fade and the passion wanes.

ILLUSION: He is my soulmate and would never hurt me. Someday we'll be together.
REALITY: Neither one of us could trust each other. We were "using" each other. He exposed us because he is a psychopath and wanted to hurt me and my family.
I had everything to lose.

Notice I was an  infidel for 2 years and 10 months and 2 years of that was spent in the Destabilization Stage. That is NOT something good. The cold hard reality is that I was miserable. I was masking my pain with temporary highs. Just like being on drugs...........

Article Source:

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

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