Almost 4 months of "sobriety" (no contact direct or indirect with the other man). 40th day of trying to regain my faith.
One of the major lessons I've learned from this is: had my priorities been in the correct and/or Godly order, I would not have given into the devil. I am not saying, "The devil made me do it". By no means is there any excuse for my adultery.
If my children and my husband had been my priority, I never would have given into my selfish temptations. Had I kept my family in the forefront of my mind, thoughts of the OM would not have even happened. Was my choice of infidelity a choice? Yes, of course it was.
I mentioned in my last post that God works through other people. Well, so does the devil. He presented himself as someone of value and morals but, in reality, is a true psychopath. Now that my priorities are in a Godly order, I realize the destruction that I could have caused. I could not see this destruction through my affair fog. I saw what I wanted to see. I did not see what was the truth and the reality.
I thank God and my husband for saving me from the devil. My life could have been totally wrecked but (as cliche as it is), I have seen the light.
I now have to look at my sin as something that will transform me, my marriage, and my family in a positive way. I cannot un-do what I did, but I can keep my priorities in order and try very hard to make it better.
So, beware of the devil in an angels costume!
Matthew 7:15-16 - Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. Ye shall know them by their fruits…”
I found you from Sarah Markley's blog. Recently Sarah talked about "The Ragamuffin Gospel" a book by Brennan Manning. I finished it on Sunday. Loved it, but maybe since I read several books at once, the greatest momentum and nuggets were on the beginning chapters for me. I got 4 of his books from the library and am reading them in order of publication. So yesterday I started "Ruthless Trust." I don't know if I love it more or it just feels that way because I'm in the beginning, but it is amazing.
ReplyDeleteI've talked about Surrender before, but reading this book I realize they are the same sort of thing. Surrender is Trust or the result of it or both. If we Trust in God we will Surrender to Him.
You say this blog is about your struggle with Satan. I guess that is true since we struggle with temptation daily. But it also seems to be about the joy in returning to God. And you are also showing beautiful gratitiude.
You are doing well on your journey--even if sometimes you don't think so. You have taken a bold step and my prayers are with you.
I too just popped over here from seeing your comment at Sarah's.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to reading more about your journey.