Make Adultery Illegal in all 50 States!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Day 42: The Company We Keep

I always worry about the company my children keep so that they aren't influenced by the negative actions of other kids. But how much control do we really have over that? Can't we just teach them to make good moral decisions and then hope for the best?

Shouldn't we, too, keep good company in order to be good examples for our children? Should we surround ourselves with others who "agree" with us? Or does that go against everything we've been taught about not judging others?

Well, what I've found is that there is unfairly judging and then there is judging in order to protect yourself and your family. Is there not a fine line between  morality and judgement? There should be some level of judgement in order to stay out of harms way.

My "free for all" non-judgement did nothing but hurt me. I allowed someone else to meet my needs instead of talking to my husband. I surrounded myself with "non-judgemental" people who condoned (and even covered for) my actions. Now I wish someone would have threatened to tell my husband what I was doing if I didn't confess. So, I may have been angry and lost these people as friends but I lost them as friends any way.

So, now I try to surround myself with "like minded" people. People who fight to save their marriages. People who want their families to stay together. So, maybe we aren't so perfectly happy. Maybe all of our needs aren't being met the way we want them, too. No one can ever meet all of our needs. We have to meet some of them on our own.
As I mentioned in an earlier post, actions must come before feelings. If you let your feelings drive your actions then you'll end up hurting a lot of other people for selfish reasons.

So, If I know people who are having affairs or want to be divorced. I do not judge them. I am not in their situation. However, that doesn't mean that I have to surround myself with them. It's like a recovering alcoholic abstaining from drinking but continuing to hang around other drinkers. This isn't possible.

So, I conciously choose, from this moment on, to surround myself with people who do not judge me for not following my feelings but, instead, support me for making sure my feelings follow my actions.

“How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?” (Matt 7:4-5)


  1. Wow. Your boldness to share your journey when it is so raw.
    This is great advice to all Christians. Regardless of our area of temptation, we need to CHOOSE to be open about our weaknesses, ask for accountability, and surround ourselves only with those who will be honest and hold us to that accountability!

    One of my kids, a teen, is battling a temptation of his own. He tried to keep it secret from anyone outside the family and fell again and again. I encouraged him to confess his sin to a few friends and ask them to hold him accountable. He didn't want to, but he does want ungrounded before he's 40... So, he did as I encouraged.

    Not surprisingly, he came home from school that day saying that his friends appreciated his honesty and that they won't let him slip up again. They are watching out for him -- and all are learning an important lesson for adulthood.

    My prayers are with you as you continue your journey. May your heart, your marriage and your family not only be healed, but strengthened, by our God of miracles.

    God bless!

  2. Karen,
    Thank you for your encouragement. I wish I didn't have to be anonymous but I'm a public school teacher..........need I say more?
    I looked at your blog and am following it. It's beautiful. On 9-11 my husband and I attempted to get home to our apt. in Jersey City, NJ. We sat on the Pulaski Skyway for 6 hours watching the twin towers burn........horrible.
    I hope that your teenage son continues to fight his demons with the help of you and his friends. I never knew about "accountability partners" until this year. I wish I had known or thought of doing it before.
    God bless you!