Day 59: The Holidays Post-Affair

I have many fond memories of the holidays........wonderful traditions that my parents made sure we experienced. On the flip side, I have some "dark" memories of holidays as well. I could always count on it being the time of year when my mom would be angry with my dad because she did so much work for HIS family. I had to hear them argue and pray that my dad would vaccuum or do something to relieve my  mom's anger. Some years it was good and others it was bad........one year they fought so badly that our Christmas Eve celebration was cancelled .
My cousin decided to host and it was the most miserable Christmas Eve of my life because we weren't at our house with our normal traditions and my mom stayed home. I need to make sure this year that I am completely present with my family. I  need to take my own advice and remember that the holidays aren't about gifts.
The holidays are for the children. To have them experience the joy of the traditions and seeing family members they don't normally see.
Adults don't seem to be able to enjoy the holidays. It's so much "work" and stress and MONEY. This year, I vow to remember that I was once a child who enjoyed the holidays. I vow to make traditions with my children. I vow to savor each moment with them because soon they will be grown. I vow to relax so that my children don't have any "bad" memories of the holidays. I vow to hug and kiss them and snuggle with them as much as possible. I vow to give myself to my husband 100% since we will actually have time together. I vow to take care of myself and not worry about how the house looks or if the food is perfect.
I vow right now to be re-born this first Christmas and New Year's post-affair. I am no longer living two lives. I no longer need to feel guilty for enjoying the beautiful life that I have been given. Because, in reality, I haven't been given this life.........I have EARNED this life. I have worked hard to be a good person who deserves to be married to a good person such as my husband. I've worked hard and tirelessly to be the best teacher and I can be. I deserve this good job. I've worked hard to be a good mom and make a nice home for my kids. I deserve the house I have. I deserve the children I have.
It's all in what you put into it that you will get out of it. So, I vow to all of you right now that I will put all of myself into my family this holiday season.
I am thankful to God that my husband and children are with me this Christmas. Back in April, I wasn't sure what was going to happen.
I am lucky but I've also earned it. Work hard and you will earn your riches. Life is not a lottery.
2 Thessalonians 3:10

¹⁰ For even when we were with you, we would give you this command: If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat.