Make Adultery Illegal in all 50 States!

Friday, November 4, 2011

Day 11: Deserving

From the free online dictionary:
de·serv·ing   (d-zûrvng)
Worthy, as of reward, praise, or aid.
Merit; worthiness.
I am struggling with if I deserve all that I have. I offended yet another friend of mine due to my affair. Do I deserve to remain his friend?
Do I deserve a second chance from my husband?
Do I deserve the beautiful home I have?
Do I deserve the respect of my children?
Do I deserve my job?
I had earned all I had and crashed it down like a stack of dominoes in one fell swoop. In one moment of time when I let my boundaries go, I put everything at risk.
When my kids misbehave, they have to earn back their rights. I should be treated the same way. I have to earn back my friendships, my husband's love and respect, my home, my children and my job.
Do I also have to earn back God's forgiveness? How do I do that? Confession? Making good on everything above?
I am selfish. Everyday I have to fight it. I have to treat my "need to escape" as an addiction. Yes, there are root causes as to why I am the way I am but even figuring that out doesn't take away the temptation.
What is life? Why am I here? Why do I have such a strong need to escape such a beautiful life? I admitted to my husband that I was comfortable in the affair. He then likened it to a drug addict. He said drug addicts are comfortable sitting in their own shit when they're "high". That was me........sitting in my own crap (no one else's). Why would anyone long to go back to that? Is the high that good? It was all just an escape for me.
I am trying to face the pain head on. No more ignoring it. I am facing reality. How do you face reality?

Romans 1:1-32

Paul, a servant[a] of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle, set apart for the gospel of God, 2which he promised beforehand through his prophets in the holy Scriptures, 3concerning his Son, who was descended from David[b] according to the flesh 4and was declared to be the Son of God in power according to the Spirit of holiness by his resurrection from the dead, Jesus Christ our Lord, 5through whom we have received grace and apostleship to bring about the obedience of faith for the sake of his name among all the nations, 6including you who are called to belong to Jesus Christ.

Translation: Though they know God’s decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.


  1. Hi Anonymous,
    I am glad that you posted on the (In)Courage site. A couple of thoughts-

    Your sin wasn't enough to keep God from stepping into your world and extending His hand out to rescue your from yourself, don't let it be enough to keep you from taking the hand of your Savior now.

    Your husband is right about the addictions. The way that your brain works is that your thoughts develop patterns in your mind like water traveling down a path will develop a groove in the ground. Before long, the water naturally flows in one direction just like your thoughts naturally go where they have been trained to go. This is why the Bible teaches us to be transformed by the renewing of our mind (Romans 12:2). As you intentionally choose to remove wrong thinking and embrace God thoughts, you will find that everything else in your life will naturally follow, including your emotions and attitudes. It is the process of rebuilding according to God's design.

    Mercy and Grace are completely different things. When God took the punishment that we deserved and wiped the slate clean for us, that was His mercy on display. His Grace is His supernatural power at work in our lives that takes us from living free from debt but still with an account balance of zero to being adopted into His family and heir of all His promises. The question is never whether or not you or I deserve anything that we have been given... as the logical conclusion will always be no. The right question is what do we do in response to His grace that showers us with His goodness.

    And the answer to that question is faith...simply believe it. In doing so, you will unlock the mystery of a love so deep, so wide, so high, and so long that it will overwhelm all that you are. Like a flood it will wash away all that you once were and leave only that which He is.

    God takes even the worst situations and can turn them for good if we let Him. Stop trying to work yourself back into a good place and receive His grace instead. Yes, there are consequences for our actions. We reap what we sow. But God's love for you is unconditional, it is never removed as some sort of punishment that you have to work your way back for.

    I am praying for you, friend, that you would know just how powerful our God is to restore the brokenness of our lives.


  2. Thank you, Jamie!