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Monday, November 21, 2011

Day 26: Restoration

Yesterday I took a restorative yoga class and I felt wonderful afterwards. The first hour was intense yoga that made me sweat out toxins. The second half was meditation to renew my spirit. I had the best sleep in a long time. However, even though I was sleeping soundly, I was still dreaming. Dreaming the same old subconscious garbage. How do we tap into the subconcious? How do we believe in the good of the world when we're exposed to so much pain? How do we deal with our own worst enemy...our thoughts and imaginations? Isn't it the imagination that makes meditation so helpful? Then why, when we're at rest, do our minds continue to ruminate on what causes us pain?

I always thought of restoration as replacing something old or broken with it's original contents or appearance. I now realize that restoring yourself to a state of health and well being doesn't mean trying to be the "good" person you used to be. It means not only rebuilding, but also improving on what you were or what you had. I have been trying to rebuild my marriage but not restore it with something new. By "new" I mean different ways of communicating, interacting, and responding to one another. Habits are so hard to break for me. I find comfort in the familiar. The biggest challenge is being receptive to a new relationship with myself and my husband. I will not fall back into old habits of coping.
This is scary considering our "habits" of dealing with negativity are ingrained in us since childhood. How do you change your habits? How do you go about restoring yourself and your relationships to something new and fresh?

Joel 2:25-26
I will restore to you the years
   that the swarming locust has eaten,
the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter,
   my great army, which I sent among you.  
26 "You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied,
   and praise the name of the LORD your God,
   who has dealt wondrously with you.
And my people shall never again be put to shame."

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